Bulimia SUCKS! (and is really hard!)

If you haven't noticed, and I'm sure you have.

I've gained about 15 pounds. I attribute it to the two ridiculously most stressful months I've had in my life. EVER. It was art fair season.
I didn't even get to go to one, just all the events leading up to them are insane.

I mean sure, retail is a bitch.
BUT ART FAIRS SUCK WAAY WAY MORE.

Oh, and also I'm totally sedentary.
Why do I need to get up and get anything when I have an intern and/or boyfriend!?

Anyway, since I've gained some weight, I tried to remedy the fact (fat)
on Saturday night:


Jackie and I were suppose to meet for dinner at Diner around 8:30PM.
I had decided that I wasn't able to wait cause I was STARVING. (whatever that means)

And I ordered some fake chicken from Food Swings, and ate it during the last 45 minutes of my shift at Sweet Virginia (a vintage boutique I "work" at on Saturdays), and this is around 7PM.


BAD IDEA.

I get home and I felt so full.

That's where I decided to become one of "them".
I decided to go the distance and to shove my fingers down my throat
to induce vomiting, therefore, I would refund everything I had eaten
and would be on the path to Skinny-ness.
(Blair Waldorf is a binge eater!)

I march into my bathroom, pick up my purple tooth brush.

It had taken me a second to decide which end of the thing I wanted to use.

If I used the end with the bristles, it would have the memory of vomit stuck
on it for the rest of its life. I didn't want that.

So, I wiped off the bottom end of the tooth brush and proceeded to shove it
down my throat while I crouched over my toilet bowl.

First heave: It fucking hurt! My abdomen is not use to this kind of action.. any action.

Second heave: My eyes watered, my nose got snifle-y. Abdomen still hurt. A little bit of the mint milkshake I had earlier came up, and it tasted GROSS.

This is where I stood up and said out loud "Fuck this".

Eating less in the first place is so much easier.

So, I put on my coat and headed out to meet Jackie for my second dinner at Diner.


And that, my friends, was my affair with Bulimia.

happy birthday

i may be a day early, or a buck short.


but i guess you never cared anyway.

I'm over it>> seriously.

For the first time in my life. I do not want a boyfriend. I do not want someone to "love", or "save", even just be nice to.

The past.. 4? Wait.. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22..The past six years, I've been in constant relationships. Continually-- falling, fighting, making up, fucking up and being kind to dudes.

That's so much time that I've spent on others, and hardly any of it on myself.

Who am I? What do I do?

I've noticed that whenever I have that sporactic break of being single, I make the largest and most beneficial leaps. Almost as if I'm making up for lost time.

adam,
andrew,
sean,
kyle,
brendan,
neil.

All cool guys, and all super fucking ridiculously good-looking-- but it would always be me, or someone else, or both, fucking ridiculously lacking in whatever it take to have a "healthy" relationship.

And every time one ended, it was also the ending of my teeny tiny world. Such woe.

Liiife shaatterinnng.

None of my ex-boyfriends are horrible people. There are a few that I would still take a bullet in the face for. Or you know, not eat meat for. Whichever comes first.

I'm such a serial monogamist. However, I honestly do no want to be anyone's girlfriend.

I love waking up alone. in my real bed. I love being with my friends and not worry if the night is going to end up with a fight.

Next month will be my year anniversary of moving to New York. And I still feel like I just arrived literally, yesterday.

I've made a life for myself here!(?) I live in an amazing apartment, with two great human beings. I live in a neighborhood, where I can buy groceries that don't smell like vomit and bleach-- and I can also walk down the street to one of my favorite restaurants.

I work for an amazing art gallery. And sometimes I feel (know) that I don't deserve my job, but it only makes me work that much harder.

For the first time-- because of my own self. I am happy. I'm not happy because I have a boyfriend who does shit for me. I'm proud because I do things for myself, and I can do them well.

Yup.

I've got all these snacks..

People here are serious, super duper serious about Halloween. Crazy parties, crazy costumes. I adore it all.

Something I've noticed about dudes here- they all have cards- they all give me their cards (usually when I'm in some sort of fast food establishment) and then ask me on a date. Where I am then forced to say "UM>NO."

Here's a real talk dialogue that happened the other night on my way to Michael Donnell's:

"Ay girl, you gunna listen to yer iPod?"

"Um...yes...?..."

"I was wantin to make friends with you. Here's my card. I'm a DJ. They call me WickedWAYNE."

"Oh, okay."

"I've got my cellphone, let's put your number in it, so I can call you for a date."

"No thanks. I have a boyfriend anyway (which is a lie)".

"Oh really, does he make you feel good?"

This is when my jaw dropped and I just said:

"P-p-pardon? I've got to go."

Basically what I'm sayin' is- I can't keep the dudes off of me, for real.



I'm still working crazy long hours. I get off, I go to open bars, I get home at 5am, and I do it all over again. I've met some really amazing people, and I don't know how I got so lucky.

TEN PEOPLE ARE VISITING ME WITHIN THE NEXT MONTH!! Two from Berlin arrive this Friday. Two from Portland, the following Friday, a friend from Paris, then another two from Portland, and then a handful of random acquaintances. I'm so pumped. HAMMER!!


We basically shut down all of Williamsburg. Asbestos was everywhere!



Trash Bar couldn't handle it either.



Some of the best guys around.



Lovefools.



Make party.



neck face is ugly.



my favorite costume so far.



for ashley mcallister. <3

Let's get some REAL TALK up in hurr.

The world is my oyster. I walk around with a bottle of sriracha in my purse. I'm working 12 hour days at the SoHo store- we made 22G's last Saturday.

We found the gnarliest, most lovely flat on the the northeast side of prospect park. It use to be a Jewish Hospital. It's a lot prettier and safer than anything I had even hoped for.

Two of my hommies from Berlin; Graziano AND Martin, will be flying into NYC on November 2nd. I'm so pumped right now.

More life to live; More love to give!

Who would've thought?:


E28th and Lexi a.k.a in front of my apt:


Bathroom stall @ studioB:


FOREVER:

Hangin' Hrd and ADULT PROM!

This is what I found whilst hanging in the lower eastside on friday night:



His name was Amadeus... okay, I only wish that it was.

At some point later that night, I ran into someone that had an eerily strong resemblance to Ian Sommerhalder, circa, rules of attraction. so, i then stammered out "I want to harvest your corn fields", what? I still don't understand what I meant.

Last night was ADULT PROM, it was held in this warehouse in Bushwick. The theme was "Enchantment Under The Sea", I was surprised that everyone was all over it, and the decorations were impeccable! Twas lots of fun. Enough talk-


The decorations were more Homecoming, rather than Prom- but still very good.


This is Bob, he was the introduction to the party. Please note the open fly:

I might make a dollar:


Don't worry, i only wore those shoes in transit.


Too strong, Too old:


It was a real Prom; pretty girls crying and everything:


My favorite Lesbro (Matt B.) and Mal:


I honestly felt 17 watching her do this:


All gone:




If you're wondering what crazy, haute couture designer i am flossin', it's actually M'Lori Couture. Meaning Mal made the dresses; Thank you very much! She's amazing.


We arrived home at 5am. and we did what a lot of drunk teens do after a night of unseasoned drinking...Mal spent approximately $15.00 on Mickey Dee's. I woke up this morning..afternoon.. and I felt/feel thoroughly grossed out with myself, and Mal. I was made to understand That I would be receiving Popeye's by the end of the night. However, this person could not follow through with his promise, so we opted for this shit:

Before:


After:


Thanks for coming to Prom. You can stop crying now.

Eyes So Swreepy!

I've become such an old lady. I feel like I'm still running on Berlin time. It's not even midnight, I can barely keep my eyes open. I found out today that I'm going to be working at the SoHo store, which, I'm alright with. Don't get me wrong, it's in an amazing part of town..but i just want to be on Berry and 7th! I want to watch the daily "Hipster Olympics".

Apparently, we're going to be living at the "McKibbin Lofts", eh? I don't care anymore, just give me a room, somewhere safe.

Things are starting to fall together, which I'm really grateful for. I was having a pretty hard time; then again, I've only been here a week. A WEEK. Jesus.

I made a lovely dinner tonight: Pork chops stuffed with cranberry and almond stuffing, mashed garlic red potatoes, and a vegetable medley featuring pearl onions, cherry tomatoes, green beans, mushrooms, carrots, red peppers, etc. You can see for yourself.

I seriously love eating.

So far, my book- Still Life With Woodpecker, has been quite nifty. I love Tommy, I want to bake him pumpkin spice cupcakes.. a lot of them. I had a dream last night that basically played out the first 45 pages of the story. It was totally heaftish (sp?)

I miss being in Europe. I want to go to a flea market and drool all over the delectable Aryan speciMENS. germany had some fine ass white dudes. MMHMM.

Also, I've decided that my next boyfriend is going to be black. It's just about that time in my life, you know? I kind of want him to talk like Flava Flav. And be all hella hyphy and shit..Oh, a girl can only dream.

Here are some more random pictures. I'm gonna fall asleep on the bed, in front of mallory, and feel very satisfied because she's been working on homework since 11am this morning, and she still has approximately four more hours to go! it's 1:10 am!

something inside of me wouldnt let me bring this dress home:


Dre and I kickin it like Tae Bo:


Bianca Cassady at Deitch Projects:




My Front Door, Spooky:


Where the magic happens..?:


Mallory has been doing hw for almost 13 hours in our room:


With that said- I really don't miss homework, tests, projects, due dates. Thank god for being a lazy bum!