i may be a day early, or a buck short.
but i guess you never cared anyway.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
I'm over it>> seriously.
For the first time in my life. I do not want a boyfriend. I do not want someone to "love", or "save", even just be nice to.
The past.. 4? Wait.. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22..The past six years, I've been in constant relationships. Continually-- falling, fighting, making up, fucking up and being kind to dudes.
That's so much time that I've spent on others, and hardly any of it on myself.
Who am I? What do I do?
I've noticed that whenever I have that sporactic break of being single, I make the largest and most beneficial leaps. Almost as if I'm making up for lost time.
adam,
andrew,
sean,
kyle,
brendan,
neil.
All cool guys, and all super fucking ridiculously good-looking-- but it would always be me, or someone else, or both, fucking ridiculously lacking in whatever it take to have a "healthy" relationship.
And every time one ended, it was also the ending of my teeny tiny world. Such woe.
Liiife shaatterinnng.
None of my ex-boyfriends are horrible people. There are a few that I would still take a bullet in the face for. Or you know, not eat meat for. Whichever comes first.
I'm such a serial monogamist. However, I honestly do no want to be anyone's girlfriend.
I love waking up alone. in my real bed. I love being with my friends and not worry if the night is going to end up with a fight.
Next month will be my year anniversary of moving to New York. And I still feel like I just arrived literally, yesterday.
I've made a life for myself here!(?) I live in an amazing apartment, with two great human beings. I live in a neighborhood, where I can buy groceries that don't smell like vomit and bleach-- and I can also walk down the street to one of my favorite restaurants.
I work for an amazing art gallery. And sometimes I feel (know) that I don't deserve my job, but it only makes me work that much harder.
For the first time-- because of my own self. I am happy. I'm not happy because I have a boyfriend who does shit for me. I'm proud because I do things for myself, and I can do them well.
Yup.
The past.. 4? Wait.. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22..The past six years, I've been in constant relationships. Continually-- falling, fighting, making up, fucking up and being kind to dudes.
That's so much time that I've spent on others, and hardly any of it on myself.
Who am I? What do I do?
I've noticed that whenever I have that sporactic break of being single, I make the largest and most beneficial leaps. Almost as if I'm making up for lost time.
adam,
andrew,
sean,
kyle,
brendan,
neil.
All cool guys, and all super fucking ridiculously good-looking-- but it would always be me, or someone else, or both, fucking ridiculously lacking in whatever it take to have a "healthy" relationship.
And every time one ended, it was also the ending of my teeny tiny world. Such woe.
Liiife shaatterinnng.
None of my ex-boyfriends are horrible people. There are a few that I would still take a bullet in the face for. Or you know, not eat meat for. Whichever comes first.
I'm such a serial monogamist. However, I honestly do no want to be anyone's girlfriend.
I love waking up alone. in my real bed. I love being with my friends and not worry if the night is going to end up with a fight.
Next month will be my year anniversary of moving to New York. And I still feel like I just arrived literally, yesterday.
I've made a life for myself here!(?) I live in an amazing apartment, with two great human beings. I live in a neighborhood, where I can buy groceries that don't smell like vomit and bleach-- and I can also walk down the street to one of my favorite restaurants.
I work for an amazing art gallery. And sometimes I feel (know) that I don't deserve my job, but it only makes me work that much harder.
For the first time-- because of my own self. I am happy. I'm not happy because I have a boyfriend who does shit for me. I'm proud because I do things for myself, and I can do them well.
Yup.
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